John
About
Knight John of Heber Springs, Arkansas (though the hosts have been known to blank on which "AR" that is) is a proud engineer knighted under Saint Patrick, Patron Saint of Engineers, who steadily climbed the ranks all the way to Viscount by mounting the "five K Ridge" one double-nickels-on-the-dime donation at a time. A grandfather of fifteen with a soft spot for palindromes and boob-count math, he times his gifts to his own birthdays and folds in cheerful notes of gratitude even while nursing a recovery. The hosts treat his arrivals like a returning regular, cheering on each peerage upgrade and making sure the F35 karma lands right where he wants it.
- "With this donation, I mount the five k Ridge of Viscount."
- "Knight John, protector of the pocket protectors and keeper of his 15 grandchildren."
- "Maybe this will keep John smiling. Thank you for your courage."
- donates on his own birthday
- loves palindrome donation amounts
- engineer / Knight of Saint Patrick
- requests F35 Karma
Written by AI from this producer's donation notes and the hosts' on-air commentary. May contain errors.
Contributions
- 1888 — In The Mourning$88.88
No note for this donation.
- 1881 — Cow Cartel$626.26
This donation is 626.26 for my palindrome birthday on June 26. To boot, I'll be 67. As near as I can tell, most people can expect to get one of these in a lifetime. Maybe this will keep John smiling. Thank you for your courage. Knight John, protector of the pocket protectors and keeper of his 15 grandchildren.
- 1880 — Antifa Book Club$55.10
Double nickels on the dime. With this donation, I mount the five k Ridge of Viscount. Sir John, Knight of Saint Patrick, Patron Saint of Engineers.
- 1874 — Kennel Index$55.00
No note for this donation.
- 1862 — Smear Machine$69.88
He turned 69 today's show date, 88 cents for John's recovery.